Brittany and Ian met on a cold January day on the corner of 13th and Sherman, right in front of City O City, just a block from the State Capitol. Ian was headed to some meeting or another and Brittany was standing on the corner, in a snowboard jacket, in the freezing cold, with a clipboard. She asked Ian, “Do you have a minute to save the children?” Ian replied, “No, but I have about thirty minutes to flirt with you.” Actually, he didn’t, but he wishes he did. Instead, he likely stammered on and on about himself for twenty minutes straight while Brittany, patient and empathetic, listened to him yammer. He asked for her phone number, and for some reason she gave it to him, and after waiting the requisite 16 hours, he called her.
Thus, a romance of a century was born, at least in Ian’s head. Brittany decided that she would like to be friends, you know, just friends, really, with Ian for an entire, long, cold, lonely, gray year before eventually saying, “yes” to a date. Ian spent that year seeing how much he needed to drink to occasionally summon the courage to tell Brittany how he felt.
He did it like this, “I lerve you.”
The amount that he had to drink varied, but always increased over time. They were at City O City (I know!) having one of those very drinks, and Ian was well on his way to summoning the courage to tell her once again, when something strange happened.
You see, Ian had spent the last year busily working on losing the Colorado House majority by one seat in an election that was decided by 197 votes. Brittany had spent 2010 helping Senator Michael Bennet eek out a victory in the toughest senate seat in the country in the worst year ever. The theme of Brittany being better than Ian at pretty much everything would continue (did you know she can fucking sing, too!?) unabated for the next six years.
Anyway, Ian had applied for a big-boy job at the state capitol but had recently taken a gig running a Denver City Council race because it seemed to him as if since, among other things, he had just lost the house majority by 197 votes, getting a job in that very minority office seemed unlikely. However, because Ian is the luckiest bastard you ever did see, he received a call from a certain former House Majority Leader turned Chief of Staff who offered him the position of Deputy Communications Director.
Ian, having just taken another job, said he’d need a night to think about it, and that’s roughly when two extremely well qualified and important people walked into City O City and told Ian he was to take the job he had been offered, what was he stupid or something? Ian decided these folks were right and since he felt, quite frankly, like he was killing it that night, he accepted and he and Brittany began to celebrate.
Brittany, being the responsible one, let Ian celebrate more. He was just about at “I lerve you” threshold when Brittany drove him back to his apartment on 16th and Logan. Then, they totally made out. For a while. It was awesome.
Brittany drove home and in her usual fashion (and still to this day whenever either one of them leave a place on their way from seeing or to see the other one they both still do this automatically) called Ian right after pulling away. “Did we just kiss?!” she said. “I strongly believe so,” said Ian.
And that was pretty much that.
Ian moved into Brittany’s house in Lakewood and after chewing through a series of roommates, they made a home.
Those of you who know them, know the rest; like how Brittany ran for State Rep. in 2012 and won, despite most of the political class betting against her. And how Ian became chief of staff to the Speaker of the Colorado House of Representatives in 2015 once all the smart people went and did something else (NOTE: This joke worked a lot better before David decided to go back to the capitol after Ian permanently retired from the legislature, because David is a very, very sick man).
And how they remodeled their house this year and Brittany announced a run for FREAKING CONGRESS THE VERY SAME YEAR because, you know what? Ian and Brittany just gotta keep it exciting!
Anyway, this whole wedding thing has been a long time coming, and as you all know, Ian loves very few things more than being right (in fact, it’s one thing, and if you guessed “Brittany”, good job!), and right he was.
Remember that cute story about how they met that you read 20 minutes ago when you started this treatise on love? Right after they met, Ian called his mother, because of course he did, and told her, “Ma, I just met the girl I’m going to marry.” To which mom didn’t reply, “Is she Jewish?”.
No, she’s not. But she still got invited to Israel before Ian did. And she brought him with her. Because she’s awesome like that.